BUILDING BLOCKS by Pastor Mrs. Faith Oyedepo

“And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:15

In today’s busy world, everyone seems to be in a hurry. Parents do all it takes to “make ends meet” and this, for the most part, neither allows them enough “talk-time” with their children nor an opportunity for fellowship with them. Before the children wake up in the morning, they’ve left for work and won’t return till they already are asleep. This therefore leaves these children in the hands of caregivers; more than they are with their parents. 

Many times, these caregivers end up being unhelpful in properly raising these children. This is because there is no way they can raise your children in the exact same way that you would, by yourself. Values differ and this is most evident in child raising. However, while it is not totally wrong to keep your children under the care of others, you can secure their destinies by first ensuring that they are adequately fed with good morals through God’s Word.

The reason why some children go astray is that they are not properly guided spiritually by their parents; so when left with others, they don’t know what is applicable and what’s not. Truth is: You are the primary beneficiary when your children are properly trained; especially in the fear of the Lord. This is because you will be restful, even when they are far away from you.

There is nothing worth more to your child than your time, loving words of advice and your physical presence with them. There is nothing like taking responsibility for their development today, because you will be rest assured of their future tomorrow. No one can take up this responsibility the way you would, so put your hands to work. You will not fail in the name of Jesus Christ!

Remain Blessed!

LOVE AND CONTROL

Love and Control

Love and control are both very important for effective discipline, discipline that is lasting and that produces a good character. The two are equally very essential because where there is control and no love it results into rebellion, bitterness, hatred and eventually destruction.

Hmmm, see it’s not all about curses, abuses, emotional wrecking and bruises that makes the child behave well enough. See I have tried just control and it did not work at all, I shout a lot to have my way but as my children grow shouting does work anymore, as they were younger it instilled fear into them and as they grow Teniola would say ‘Mummy why do you always shout, I have heard you I will do what you asked me to do Mummy don’t stress yourself just relax’ and I will take his advice and relax (smiles)

I met a precious woman the other day going to pick her children from school and as I packed to give her a lift with someone else. She was then narrating to the man that she punished her children that day that she did not give them food to eat and no money was given to them as well, why the man asked she said cause they did something wrong and that is their punishment. I smiled and cut into the conversation: ma that is not the right thing to do and I could say that because I was punished in that manner too growing up, and I knew how I got food to eat. They will get hungry, they will beg their friends for food or money, they will steal to eat.

In essence you cannot control a child you do not love and a child you cannot control you can’t claim to love. You need 100% of both love and control for a child.

What is Love? 1 Corinthians 13:4 says love is patient and kind

Always let your child know that you love them and disciplining them (control) is because of your love for them. Do not beat the in anger because injury will occur, do not correct them in anger because you may say something bad in anger.

Children watch our actions and words towards them and if it does not portray love in any way they will doubt it even if you say you love them.

There is nothing wrong in saying ‘am sorry’ to your child, I have said it a couple of times and will still say it because there are times I feel I shouldn’t have shouted or be angry I should just have said what I wanted to say and see the changes I want or see them do what I asked to be done. I hold them and say am sorry and hug them till I see the smile and the hug back and we are good and no more tension or tears. Saying you are sorry after you have examined yourself that you are wrong is treating them with respect, yes they should be treated with respect as well as they treat us parents with respect.

Always demonstrate your love by your deeds: your words, your acts, your prayers. Compliment the in love and speak positivity into their lives. As you point out what they did wrong, also point out that good character they possess or that good thing they did a while ago, sometime ago and ask that they continue in it. Always correct and praise thereafter.

My son just wrote his JAMB a week ago and I was expectant because I saw his preparedness for the exam and when the result was sent to him, he could not hold it, he sent me a message ‘Mommy I passed!!! I was eager to hear his score I got home and he told me then I paused cause I felt he could have done better but I turned and sent him a message good son was expecting higher but God be praised and he came to me and hugged me he was happy mummy is proud.

What is Control?  To exercise influence over, to suggest or dictate (Dictionary)

To control is to have authority and power in order to direct, manage or rule. You cannot train a child if you cannot control the child, no not possible; God forbid we be as Eli in 1 Sam 2.

Until you are able to control them, you cannot mould their character and using love and control will keep a child on the path of a disciplined life. A child who knows his parents love him and has been trained to obey their authority will find it easy to allow a loving God control his/her life.

CONTROL IS THE STABILIZER OF LOVE (and both are spiritual weapons to raising godly children)

Some Excerpt from Raising Godly Children by Pastor Mrs. Faith Oyedepo

UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS

UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS

I look back now and it became clear to me, so that is why I had such challenge understanding him.

One minute he is excited, the next he is in the room all by himself, my baby that always wants to be around me now wants some ME time to himself and he doesn’t see anything wrong in being alone.

Oh it’s a phase, he is going through some stages, and he is becoming a MAN!!!!

Clearly understanding the transformation that takes place in the lives of our teenagers will help us offer relevant guidance and equip us with the patience we need to go through the period with them as well. I remember I was almost always angry when my son just changed from being that boy that always want to sit by me and put his head on my shoulders most of the time.

But am more excited now to see a man emerge out of the little boy. At a point I thought I did something wrong and each time I would ask ‘what have I done, why are you quiet? He just looks at me and say ‘Mummy you did not do anything now am just quiet’.

 I would get impatient with him, I would shout oh shouting is my hobby and he has mastered the act of calming me now ‘Mummy, looking into my eyes don’t shout am fine, seriously.  I remember when he would lock up the bathroom door to have his bath, that I did not even say anything about because I thought he needed his privacy by then not only privacy but his body was changing rapidly and when I noticed was when he asked that he wanted boxers I did not argue at all I got him boxers one time cause he wanted to step up and wear boxer like the adults do.

Then came the tiredness, which makes me wonder, ok what have you done that made you sleeping all day after I would think he has been footballing after school and by that exhausted himself came home slept off, did not do an inch of the house chores or cook, he would just be tired. I never knew it part of the process I always thought its football or just being lazy.

Some time ago I stumbled on a message conversation with a female school mate, to think I would have flared up, God! he has a ‘crush’. What do I do to monitor him? Even though I trust him. I went on face book looked for the young lady sent her a friend request and of cause she accepted and we became friends we started talking. I did not ask about her and my son because I have asked him already and via our discussion I know there is a ‘crush’ here.

I came into her as someone she could open up to and that was it, that was how I took her up like she were my daughter and she could buzz me up anytime to talk to me and I do not turn her away. I did not judge her for nursing a thought of a relationship (my son too) all I want to achieve is to quench that thought from both of them.  I pick the young lady up at her bus stop on the way to school just on my way to drop the children to school as well, I chat her up, pick her after school a times when I pick my son too just so she knows she doesn’t have to hide from me just to be open and be friendly so we can talk, now the crush has passed they are still friends cause I see the way they tease each other and play. She is such a lovely young lady.

See to me there is nothing wrong with having a ‘crush’ I have been there so no holier than thou Mummy attitude yeah. They are growing up, feelings are forming, emotions rising all we need do is to guard, guide and lead them aright so we do not get disappointed, lets deal with it no need to shy away from it cos it may be too late, and moreover it makes room for openness to ask questions and do what you tell them in love to do and you see these things do not just happen in a day or two there has to be an understanding relationship with the children so when the time comes you will not need to shy away from such discussions because over time you would have spoken about it with them like teasing and asking questions so they can be well informed to even come to you for help and assurance.  I was in class just yesterday and you will be amazed at the questions University students are asking doing/after the Topic called ATTRACTION truth is our children need to be enlightened.

When there is a challenge in school assignments, I remember I always calm them down with these words ‘I have a sound mind, I have the mind of Christ!!!’ it works all the time. It assures them and they relax, go back and deal with the subjects. It still works!!!!!

And always hammer your body is the temple of the holy spirit, child you have to guard it, guard your thoughts let it be acceptable to Jesus whenever you need Him to help you out, let Him always listen whenever you call don’t allow sin to hinder your access to the throne of grace oh yes they need such reminder every day of the week lest they fall into temptation.

God is EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING IS GOD……. Tell them. 

God owns our children not us. He told us 'train up a child in the way it should go so when he/she grows, they will not depart from the training imbibed in them... He us to train, to mold, to teach them in the way of the Lord

I remember at the WSF when after fellowship I and the children will shout!!!! ‘I have a sound mind, I have the mind of Christ!!!!! (Nostalgia).

 Some extract from RAISING GODLY CHILDREN by Faith A. Oyedepo.

WATCH YOUR TONGUE!!!!!!!

We were all dressing up this morning to head out, me to work, and the children to school. Anjola was by my door saying Oh Mummy your make up will make us late and i told him like i always do, i said am a lady i need to look fine and you have to be patient with me because when you are married you need to be patient with  your wife when she is making up her beautiful face to be more beautiful, and there goes the blushing Anjola blushes a lot.

Then i remembered the stew has not been warmed yet, no electricity for days, i called out to Teniola please on the gas lets warm the stew and i continued with beautifying my face. Once done i started with Oya let's go!!! as my custom is because you see when it's time to head out they both will remember to pick one thing or the other. Alas!!! Teniola went to the kitchen when i was done and ready to leave to switch on the gas to warm the stew oh was so angry to think that i had told him like 7minutes ago and he did it 7 minutes after and not just about the time but that we were ready to go.

So i asked why did it take him long, he said he was looking for his prefect badge, prefect badge and food which is important (lol). I wanted to to shout, wanted to talk but i held my peace and something said oh his badge is his priority for now woman. I would have began his day today with anger, i would have set the day with not so good words i guarded my tongue. I brought to mind his character, his behavior and told myself but he could have just told his brother to do it and continue with looking for his badge. I could have brought his moral down today because he did not do what i asked him to do on time.... He apologized in the car and i was glad because the apology was well accepted and blessed

See, we do not have to wash our children with word that will wound them because words are spirit, we may think it does not matter but does matter, it does tell on them, it does make them keep things away from us because they do not want to hear us speak negative to them out of anger. Our words make them who they will turn out to be.
See, I leave by a house full of curses the parent just speak anyhow to their children and you know what, exactly what their parent call them is what they call each other, it baffles me when i hear them call each other names then i heard their parent and i knew exactly where they took it from and i think its been passed from generation to generation because it may turn out that is how they as parent were brought up.
 
As parents we should always speak live, speak peace, speak love and lead by example the bible say in 1Tim 4:12.... Let no man despise the youth, Be thou an example of the believers, in words, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

Let me leave you with these words that i cherish so much

"If an Egg is broken by an outside force, life ends. If broken by an inside force, life begins.

                    Great things always begin from inside".....
Lets plant good, fruitful seeds into our children, its worth much more than all the riches in the world

FOR SONS

I look back now and see how i have  tried and sustained it when i consciously caution myself in the way i interact with my eldest son as a mother, a friend, his first love a confidant,prayer partner. See aside spiritual investment there are things i need to do, how i need to behave so that he will see also in me and treat the opposite sex the same way. I want him to respect women, to not raise his voice on a woman, treat a woman kindly with respect and gentleness.

A woman of God asked me a few questions as he saw how i relate with my sons.
Here it is, i know it helped her research and looking back i know its paying off.

 HER QUESTION:
How are u ma? Saw your  post on face book with your son.... Wow! So nice..... The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately on mums and their sons.... So will just ask you a few questions.. Looks like your boy is outgoing(an extrovert),am I right? How old is he and is he your first child? Hope he still sucks mummy's breast? Ha! Ha! How would u describe your relationship with him? Seriously, by the Spirit's leading,I have been doing a lot of research on this in relation to the women's ministry under my Ministry. Do well to help me with some answers... Am so glad I have found another mum to talk to....thank you....happy new year in advance!!!! Hope u are doing great walking with the Holy Spirit?

 MY ANSWER
Heaven on Earth ma, yes he is sociable n outgoing. He turned 15 in Sept, he is in SS3. No he doesn't such mummy's breast at all lol, my relationship with him is a mother, a friend, a confidant, his first love and prayer partner. As he is growing I make sure I push him out to attend camp programmes like 3 camps in a year, to build him up to the Kingdom star I want him to be .I want him to be sounded in Christ, leadership and other  skills. I teach him as a mother how to treat a lady because its how he treats and behave towards me that he will be to his wife because I want him to have a happy home and I sound it in his ears oftens. Though we fight on house chores which he pushes to his younger brother (smiles). He is a good child am blessed to have him and his brother. He prefers to talk or come to me than going to dad n I always say sometimes go tell daddy pls he ll laugh n say mummy now but i've told you. I let him talk to friends and bring them home so I see them and hear what comes out from their mouth the ones I do not like I ask him to stop being friends with them, there is one that came to the house while we were all working, he sat down in the living room and did not move to help his friend out, I asked him to leave and I do not want them together again cos when I was growing up I help my friends out with chores, friends are helpers, good friend are teachers of good things and I teach him that. I do not allow him get a hair cut that is not o.k at all, I sometimes follow him to the salon because its mostly Sundays they have their hair cut after church on our way home and I tell the barber pls no rubbish style my son, he will look at me smile and shake his head, they all know me and when he goes alone they know what to do ( i do not like any situation when a child is referred home like that saying 'don't you have a mother'. As you know ma and walk in the spirit cause you taught me a bit on that . He has never left me alone ever since I believed He existed. Thank you ma'am mwaaah

HER QUESTION

Wow! Wow! Wow! Thankss..... This is completely powerful and helpful. So in what ways do u comfort him when he needs to be comforted? Just with words,or with a hand around the neck or with petting /cuddling? Some boys want to be cuddled u know. Also I have met mums whose boys still suck(ed) their breast literally at the age your son is and even older, want to know if u have heard of anything like it before, if yes....pls give me examples and what do u think about it? If u have never heard about it,tell me what u think about it now that I have told u? Also what things do u use to spice up your relationship with him since beyond been mum,u are his first love....I have heard mums refer to themselves as their son's first love and that's exactly what it should be,but the thing is, there is nothing they do for or wt their sons to fill in this role as first love thereby most time pushing these boys into early unhealthy love relationships... What's your opinion on this? Mums must be trained to adequately love and help their boys.Thank u....and morning 

MY ANSWER 
With words ma'am and quote scriptures in the bible ask him to open it and read then I hug him. I refer to myself as his first love because it is from me he will learn how to compliment, respect and treat a woman so am conscious of that fact and teach him accordingly to be a gentleman, calm not raising his voice, on leadership as he will be the head of the home to provide for, care and maintain his family through the word with example from the home. I encourage to save and be able to have something in his purse not ask for money all the time and i has paid off because a times he comes to me for something and i maybe busy or not around i ask him to go ahead using part of his saving and when i return i give him back his money, i was shocked sometime ago to hear how much he has saved. As a man he need to cultivate the habit of saving.
 No I have not heard about big boys sucking their mum's breast at all. Yes mums must train their boys with care not with shouting and resentment, boys need care cause how you treat them is how they will treat people in their lives when they are grown and the society at large. 

 HER RESPONSE
Wow! Thankssssss again. I really appreciate your replies..... Thank u.. Happy new year in advance once again. 

I believe that asides spiritual investment, you act it all out as well as a parent cause they will not only do as you say/teach, they will do as you do.

Thank you Mr Joseph Mwalukuku for the wake up call. 

Abduction of our precious girls

Dear Lord,

Please hear the cries of all the mothers of these children and arise Lord Father arise. Shake the camp of the enemy and by your power let these menace stop and stop forever. Amen

NIGERIAN WOMEN MOURN

My heart goes out to the parent of the pupils of FGC Buni Yadi, Borno State who were brutally massacred/ murdered in their sleep. The images have been in my mind eye just like the undergraduates that were set ablaze.

It is in solidarity of the sad sad day a preparation for a peaceful walk by concerned Nigerian mothers is set up to draw the attention of the government to the fact that we have had enough and ask God for His ultimate help to stop the sole called Boko Haram!
 Our children…. our future... our hope... our rising stars

The peaceful walk is tagged ....NIGERIAN WOMEN MOURN (NWM)

Women across the land ARISE!
Women and mothers are supposed to be the matrix of society..... 

A walk to mourn the WANTON KILLING AND ABDUCTION of our children,the future of our nation. It concerns us all.

NIGERIAN WOMEN MOURN - WALK

LAGOS:

Date: Thursday, 6th March, 2014
Meeting point: Oregun Road/LTV Junction to Alausa
Time: 8.30am
Dress Code: BLACK TSHIRT on skirts/hijabs/trousers

ABUJA:

Date: Thursday, 6th March, 2014
Meeting Point: Unity Fountain to NASS
Time: 8.30am
Mourning Dress Code: BLACK TSHIRT on skirts/hijabs/trousers

PORT HARCOURT:

Date: Thursday, 6th March, 2014
Meeting point: will be notified
Time: 8.30am
Mourning Dress Code: BLACK TSHIRT on skirts/hijabs/trousers

All Women should be Concerned. Please change your DP's and Timelines to reflect a period of mourning.

Kindly call undersigned for more information.
Laila St. Matthew-Daniel.

070 4385 1725