Love and Control
Love and control are both very
important for effective discipline, discipline that is lasting and that
produces a good character. The two are equally very essential because where
there is control and no love it results into rebellion, bitterness, hatred and
eventually destruction.
Hmmm, see it’s not all about
curses, abuses, emotional wrecking and bruises that makes the child behave well
enough. See I have tried just control and it did not work at all, I shout a lot
to have my way but as my children grow shouting does work anymore, as they were
younger it instilled fear into them and as they grow Teniola would say ‘Mummy
why do you always shout, I have heard you I will do what you asked me to do
Mummy don’t stress yourself just relax’ and I will take his advice and relax
(smiles)
I met a precious woman the
other day going to pick her children from school and as I packed to give her a
lift with someone else. She was then narrating to the man that she punished her
children that day that she did not give them food to eat and no money was given
to them as well, why the man asked she said cause they did something wrong and
that is their punishment. I smiled and cut into the conversation: ma that is
not the right thing to do and I could say that because I was punished in that
manner too growing up, and I knew how I got food to eat. They will get hungry,
they will beg their friends for food or money, they will steal to eat.
In essence you cannot control a
child you do not love and a child you cannot control you can’t claim to love.
You need 100% of both love and control for a child.
What
is Love? 1 Corinthians 13:4 says love is patient and kind
Always let your child know that
you love them and disciplining them (control) is because of your love for them.
Do not beat the in anger because injury will occur, do not correct them in
anger because you may say something bad in anger.
Children watch our actions and
words towards them and if it does not portray love in any way they will doubt
it even if you say you love them.
There is nothing wrong in
saying ‘am sorry’ to your child, I have said it a couple of times and will
still say it because there are times I feel I shouldn’t have shouted or be
angry I should just have said what I wanted to say and see the changes I want
or see them do what I asked to be done. I hold them and say am sorry and hug them
till I see the smile and the hug back and we are good and no more tension or
tears. Saying you are sorry after you have examined yourself that you are wrong
is treating them with respect, yes
they should be treated with respect as well as they treat us parents with
respect.
Always demonstrate your love by
your deeds: your words, your acts, your prayers. Compliment the in love and
speak positivity into their lives. As you point out what they did wrong, also
point out that good character they possess or that good thing they did a while
ago, sometime ago and ask that they continue in it. Always correct and praise
thereafter.
My son just wrote his JAMB a
week ago and I was expectant because I saw his preparedness for the exam and
when the result was sent to him, he could not hold it, he sent me a message ‘Mommy
I passed!!! I was eager to hear his score I got home and he told me then I paused
cause I felt he could have done better but I turned and sent him a message good
son was expecting higher but God be praised and he came to me and hugged me he
was happy mummy is proud.
What
is Control? To exercise
influence over, to suggest or dictate (Dictionary)
To control is to have authority
and power in order to direct, manage or rule. You cannot train a child if you
cannot control the child, no not possible; God forbid we be as Eli in 1 Sam 2.
Until you are able to control
them, you cannot mould their character and using love and control will keep a
child on the path of a disciplined life. A child who knows his parents love him
and has been trained to obey their authority will find it easy to allow a
loving God control his/her life.
CONTROL
IS THE STABILIZER OF LOVE (and both are spiritual weapons to raising godly
children)
Some Excerpt from Raising Godly
Children by Pastor Mrs. Faith Oyedepo
